A few nights ago Jon and I finished watching the extended versions of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. *If you haven't done this recently, I highly recommend it.* As the story progressed I caught myself thinking, "Geez, poor Frodo and Sam are getting SO CLOSE but the enemy is throwing everything he possibly can at them. Will they ever be truly rid of this thing and FINALLY find peace and rest?"
At that moment, the true meaning of this hit me and felt so real I almost couldn't breathe. I've watched these movies before. I've even tried reading the books.... and failed a few times. I think originally I went to see these films because my sister was a LOTR fan, and because I remembered watching the cartoon versions as a child. When we decided a few weeks ago to watch them again, I thought, "... just to pass time." I never expected to be impacted spiritually.
I realize that these stories are fictional, but this time a lot of the content felt very real. Sin is hopelessness. Sin is greed. Sin is darkness, betrayal. It festers and grows if you haven't set your heart against it. And even sometimes then, it makes appearances in our character that startle us and cause us to doubt the existence of Good in the world, and its existence in ourselves.
*Spoiler Alert* - If you have NOT watched these movies, do NOT keep reading. Go watch them and then come back :)
I honestly couldn't remember what happened at the end. As we were watching The Return of the King, I was continuously wondering if this task really would claim Frodo's life. I think that's what made the end so powerful to me this time.
The ring destroyed itself, and afterwards the two friends had completely resigned themselves to the idea that this was their end. They had fought their good fight, they had finished their race.
The ending scenes were unremarkable to me the first time through this series. Tolkien was finished telling his story and now needed to end it somehow, so here was his conclusion; his version of "happily ever after." I found that, actually, everything that happened in conclusion of this story had a profound purpose and message to those who have also journied to Mordor in one way or another.
Maybe that's why it hadn't meant a lot to me before now. During the past year and a half, I have travelled some "difficult" roads, although difficult doesn't seem like a strong enough word to describe my journey. I've experienced carrying the burden of depression and hopelessness, even greed. I've often said of my despair, "No, it's mine, my own," and refused to let it go when I had the chance.
God began speaking to me again about a year ago, summer of 2011. I should say, that's when I began to listen again. I had questioned Him about suffering, death, loss, hardship, poverty, sickness, etc., etc., etc. We'd had "conversations" in which I had been the one speaking, or yelling, and He had remained silent. I do not regret my questions. I don't regret becoming angry with Him or yelling at Him. Without those moments, I would not feel as close to the Way, the Truth and the Life as I do now. One day I sat and wrote out a list of things I DO know about God.
His mercies are new every morning. - Lamentations 3:22-23
He will answer our anxieties and prayers with peace that transends all understanding. - Phillippians 4:7
He is making all things new. - Revelation 21:5
. . . to name a few. I encourage you to take this mindset with you as you encounter God through your worship, mediation and studying of His word. When you seek Him with all your heart, you will find Him (Jeremiah 29:12-13). Sometimes, you will find Him where you least expect, too. Like in a fantasy movie trilogy.
In a journal last summer (not dated), I wrote: "When we all get to Heaven, are we finally going to understand? Will we be able to ask God all our questions and finally, fully understand Him? Or - will any of it matter anymore? Will we just be singing praises and experiencing joy complete for the first time, being in the presence of all those we have loved, without a worry or care about "whys" we struggled with during our lives on earth? Will any of those questions even matter anymore?"
In one of the ending scenes of The Return of the King, Frodo says goodbye to his friends (again, a weak word here) and steps aboard a ship that will take him to a faraway land where he can finally rest and be among all of those who have also finished their journeys. The burden he had carried for so long changed him. In his words, they had saved the Shire, ". . . but not for me." As he steps aboard this enchanting-looking boat and turns back towards his friends, his eyes are not filled with tears, but are instead filled with a look of true peace and complete joy. He smiles as if to say, "Don't worry about me. I am going home."
I like to think that if we could ever, somehow, catch a glimpse of loved ones who have gone before us, they would have the same message in their faces.
And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing your praise unending
Ten thousand years, and then forevermore.
(Matt Redman)
I needed this today. Perspective really helps put everything where it should be in my mind. I can relate with you by going through "difficult" times. I just kept thinking that I have such little time on this earth and that this too shall pass. Thank you for your words, Holly.
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